New Day

I didn’t have a good day yesterday. It happens, we move on. …or do we? That very sentiment is what really pissed all over my yesterday. My faulty give-a-fuck-o-meter has landed me in a stormy situation…again.
I’ve posted about how I’m seen as not caring about the things going on around me, but it seems I don’t learn as quickly as I thought I did. I liked my ability to give bat to the daily problems and soldier on. I thought it made me a strong person.
But what’s the point of being strong by myself? If my strength is isolating me, because the people around me keep getting upset by my perceived lack of interest, then I’m going to end up all alone with 10 dogs (cats are to old spinsters as dogs are to old bachelors). The thing is; I do care. I just don’t react to external stimuli the way others do. I compartmentalise my problems.

Spheres of control
Spheres of control

If I’m in the middle of a series of concentric circles:
Things in the immediate sphere are within my control. I can directly do something about them. So I do. And I work my arse of doing them.
Things in the next sphere are things that are outside my control, but within my range of influence. I can’t directly control them, but I can inspire the people who can.
The outer sphere represents the things in my life that are completely outside of my range completely. I cannot do anything about them, and there’s no one who I can influence to get them done. This is the sphere that I give bat and move on.
My problem is that I internalise my problems too. I don’t ask for help as much as I should, and so I’m limited to my experience and knowledge for solutions. If I don’t have a solution I move the problem one sphere outwards.

This is what I woke up to this morning:
Sunrise

God has given me a wonderful new day. A day to start over and realign me thinking. I’ve given my problems to Him. He who is stronger than me, or anyone else within my influence, and beyond it.
The lesson I *hope* I learned yesterday, combined with this beautiful new day God has given me, has inspired me to change a little. Nothing drastic. Just a little.
From today, although I keep my compartments, I’ll be a little easier on myself. From today, I’ll ask for help more. Because, although it’s great to be strong, I want my friends and family around more, and that means alienating them less.

I’m still me. I’m just digging a little deeper into my sphere of influence.

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